Although the tempering my spirit received from my rugged peasant upbringing generally prevents me from speaking too freely of my personal travails, I have not been able to hide that I recently broke a bone in my foot and have thus been quite hobbled. Having had various episodes of infirmity in my past, including a previous crutchly passage that lasted eight long weeks, I have long been of the mind that being waylaid by an injury can be a valuable instructive experience. For if you have never been deprived of the use of a hand or arm or leg and thus needed the kind assistance of others, you haven’t had the privilege of being sadly helpless. 
And being sadly helpless allows you to realize that most people are kind and will lend assistance, even if being helped makes you feel more pitifully vulnerable than you ever wanted to feel. I’ve noticed that men are particularly kind, which makes perfect sense as I am a female and would thus tend to bring out a male’s protective qualities, while women, except one’s truest friends, tend not to want to be bothered, really. I understand this as well. Women generally have a lot of caring and helping already on their plates. And perhaps the supply of caring and obligation grows ever more limited in our modern times.
And being sadly helpless allows you to realize that most people are kind and will lend assistance, even if being helped makes you feel more pitifully vulnerable than you ever wanted to feel. I’ve noticed that men are particularly kind, which makes perfect sense as I am a female and would thus tend to bring out a male’s protective qualities, while women, except one’s truest friends, tend not to want to be bothered, really. I understand this as well. Women generally have a lot of caring and helping already on their plates. And perhaps the supply of caring and obligation grows ever more limited in our modern times.
Being unable to walk very well, and able to stand even less successfully, I have retreated to a reclining position for hours at a time where I’ve found myself thinking about the state of things more actively than I might if I were, say, up on a ladder finishing my bathroom ceiling, which was my plan for these waning days of warmth and light. The premature end of the White Sox season (go Tigers) left little for me on the radio as the sports chatter definitely turned to football, a pastime I shall never feign more than a passing interest in. Flipping around for the first time in months, I discovered at the bottom of the dial WIND 560 and was pleased to find embedded in the Laura Ingraham Show traffic reports on the fives, which allows me now to switch between WBBM’s traffic reports on the eights next time I’m paralyzed with fear about how long it might take me to get to O’Hare by car.
I also found myself listening to Rush Limbaugh, whom many of you I’m sure consider my old friend, for the first time in months. And I was more than surprised to hear Rush in the midst of a passionate monologue not on the political timing of the Foley revelations, nor the spinelessness of the UN in dealing with North Korea, but on being liked. I pricked up my ears. I like being liked, tho’ I know I often am not, and thus my personal motto (which I see has been
adapted as well by The Shark), “Do not mistake me for who I am not.” But even more than being liked, I like thinking about how people like being liked, and the behaviors they display towards this end. Rush was actually making a lot of the points I had long believed were true. The worse trap one can fall into is shaping one’s life around being liked. Relationships of all kinds, not just of the romantic variety, are often doomed by each party’s overwhelming urge to put his or her best foot forward and fail to reveal one’s true self in fear of not being liked, a truism that is widely exploited by advertising copywriters, but one that is in no danger of failing to be perpetuated even by folks who know better as they are no longer 15 years old. “You must make yourself happy,” Rush, the paradoxically self-proclaimed “lovable little fuzzball,” continued. “No one else can make you happy. You must be your true self in order to make yourself happy, and going around wanting to be liked, especially by people you know most likely really dislike you, will not enable you to be happy with yourself.” And so on.
Rush didn’t say this, but the notion of people really just wanting to be liked also made me think about public and private behaviors, and the increasingly blurred or nonexistent lines between them, leading me to the conclusion that the people who go into Politics and Art share one very important common characteristic — they do not wish to live in a world where there are “private” and “public” behaviors with the necessity of behaving differently in different situations. They just want to be the same no matter what. An artist revealing his deepest private essence alone in the studio isn’t thinking, “Okay, that was cathartic, now I’ll burn the damn thing and keep all these deepest, private things here.” No, he’s thinking, “I wonder when I’ll get the chance to see this thing on display over at the Muse-itute of Modtempo Art.” And on top of it he’s gone to art school to learn how to talk if not lucidly then rapidly about all the private things he’s revealing, such as bathroom habits, sexual matters ranging from peccadilloes to perversions, medical diagnoses spanning the panoply of physical and emotional syndromes and disabilities, and family secrets once deemed suitable only for the analyst’s couch. You know, it’s the modern cultural climate that allowed a young person to ask Bill Clinton the question “briefs or boxers” when he appeared on MTV lo these many years ago. Because of course knowing one’s preference in underwear allows for all sorts of insights into the person you are facing, who, also of course, you just want to like you. (While I’m sitting there thinking “those are the only two choices?”...but I’ve learned to think this way as a member in good standing of the art world where I’ve had the opportunity to view large color photographs by dozens of artists that show me other options in undergarments.)
It seems on this blog there is a leitmotif of the desire to be liked. One writer loudly proclaims that artists must be the apex creature while others suggest mutual admiration and cooperation are perhaps the better strategy. Another writer suggests boat-rocking is perhaps counterproductive, and we all need to get along. In the midst of these swirling waters, while doing some research, I came across the following:
But to return to my complaint: Being reduced to incompetence is rough. Yes, when one is flailing around on crutches, or is faced with a squalling infant and the diaper bag is gaping open while the two-year-old is running into
traffic, or is temporarily blinded because one has failed to bring one’s reading glasses along—all temporary situations, of course—one realizes it is better to be helped than be liked. And while one is thinking, in a Chris Ware-like way, “This person is certainly despising me while he stretches out his hand to pick me up off the floor,” it is good to witness one’s fellow human being acting humanely regardless of whether they like you or not. It is good to realize that while one may not like a fellow human being, in fact one may very much dislike him and for sound reasons, one is better off for being in a community. Now what was that about Air America going bankrupt?
More later,
Lynne.
I also found myself listening to Rush Limbaugh, whom many of you I’m sure consider my old friend, for the first time in months. And I was more than surprised to hear Rush in the midst of a passionate monologue not on the political timing of the Foley revelations, nor the spinelessness of the UN in dealing with North Korea, but on being liked. I pricked up my ears. I like being liked, tho’ I know I often am not, and thus my personal motto (which I see has been
adapted as well by The Shark), “Do not mistake me for who I am not.” But even more than being liked, I like thinking about how people like being liked, and the behaviors they display towards this end. Rush was actually making a lot of the points I had long believed were true. The worse trap one can fall into is shaping one’s life around being liked. Relationships of all kinds, not just of the romantic variety, are often doomed by each party’s overwhelming urge to put his or her best foot forward and fail to reveal one’s true self in fear of not being liked, a truism that is widely exploited by advertising copywriters, but one that is in no danger of failing to be perpetuated even by folks who know better as they are no longer 15 years old. “You must make yourself happy,” Rush, the paradoxically self-proclaimed “lovable little fuzzball,” continued. “No one else can make you happy. You must be your true self in order to make yourself happy, and going around wanting to be liked, especially by people you know most likely really dislike you, will not enable you to be happy with yourself.” And so on.
Rush didn’t say this, but the notion of people really just wanting to be liked also made me think about public and private behaviors, and the increasingly blurred or nonexistent lines between them, leading me to the conclusion that the people who go into Politics and Art share one very important common characteristic — they do not wish to live in a world where there are “private” and “public” behaviors with the necessity of behaving differently in different situations. They just want to be the same no matter what. An artist revealing his deepest private essence alone in the studio isn’t thinking, “Okay, that was cathartic, now I’ll burn the damn thing and keep all these deepest, private things here.” No, he’s thinking, “I wonder when I’ll get the chance to see this thing on display over at the Muse-itute of Modtempo Art.” And on top of it he’s gone to art school to learn how to talk if not lucidly then rapidly about all the private things he’s revealing, such as bathroom habits, sexual matters ranging from peccadilloes to perversions, medical diagnoses spanning the panoply of physical and emotional syndromes and disabilities, and family secrets once deemed suitable only for the analyst’s couch. You know, it’s the modern cultural climate that allowed a young person to ask Bill Clinton the question “briefs or boxers” when he appeared on MTV lo these many years ago. Because of course knowing one’s preference in underwear allows for all sorts of insights into the person you are facing, who, also of course, you just want to like you. (While I’m sitting there thinking “those are the only two choices?”...but I’ve learned to think this way as a member in good standing of the art world where I’ve had the opportunity to view large color photographs by dozens of artists that show me other options in undergarments.)
It seems on this blog there is a leitmotif of the desire to be liked. One writer loudly proclaims that artists must be the apex creature while others suggest mutual admiration and cooperation are perhaps the better strategy. Another writer suggests boat-rocking is perhaps counterproductive, and we all need to get along. In the midst of these swirling waters, while doing some research, I came across the following:
“…the city’s rich people, unlike their counterparts in California, have always kept a close eye on the eastern establishment and eastern ways. They send their kids to eastern prep schools. They swoon in the presence of eastern art professionals, artists as well as art intellectuals. They rarely forsake the lakefront to venture west of Halsted Street where Mayor Daley’s [père, of course] real Chicago spreads for a light-year. Chicago’s patrons—whether the Art Institute’s Gentiles or the Museum of Contemporary Art’s Jews—are totally devoted to Chicago at the level of their business and commercial interests, but forever envious of the culture of the Atlantic seaboard. Hence, when supporting the arts in Chicago, their impulse is to go national, not native. The better collectors have bought most of what they own in New York…”.As the source was a faded Xerox, I have not the author’s name of this published article. But I do have the date: 1976. That’s thirty years ago. Apparently what I shall dub the Shark Complaint has been a long-standing one in Chicago. And if this article is any indication, apparently others have been outspoken. Whether they mysteriously disappeared to have their broken bodies float up years later from some murky pond, I do not know. Apparently Derek Guthrie of the late New Art Examiner and quite the water-churner in his day is alive and well back in his native England.
But to return to my complaint: Being reduced to incompetence is rough. Yes, when one is flailing around on crutches, or is faced with a squalling infant and the diaper bag is gaping open while the two-year-old is running into
traffic, or is temporarily blinded because one has failed to bring one’s reading glasses along—all temporary situations, of course—one realizes it is better to be helped than be liked. And while one is thinking, in a Chris Ware-like way, “This person is certainly despising me while he stretches out his hand to pick me up off the floor,” it is good to witness one’s fellow human being acting humanely regardless of whether they like you or not. It is good to realize that while one may not like a fellow human being, in fact one may very much dislike him and for sound reasons, one is better off for being in a community. Now what was that about Air America going bankrupt? More later,
Lynne.
Good post --- fun to read. I hope you are up-and-at-em soon --- and we'll like you either way!
Last question --- Air America actually has great and growing ratings, but some bad organizational structure (sound like art institutions, anyone?. Here's some info in their press release:
http://www.airamerica.com/node/2779
I'm really bad at that accepting help thing --- it made me laugh to think about my habits as I read your post.
You are wonderful, Mark. Thanks for the good wishes!
Well lets hope Air America isn't going bankrupt as we finally have an antidote to all that ridiculous 'islamo fascist' fear mongering one hears on 560 am -and yes Lynne I, in a social experiment have been voraciously listening to Dennis Pragar, Laura Ingraham -and the worst of the worst -The Savage Nation -featuring the unfortunate Michael Savage.......quick! turn the dial back to mr hillbilly heroin fix -the drug addict Rush Limbaugh for a little relative sanity.....
The last thing I will say on the subject for now -is for comic relief and a good dose of reality in Bagdad -go watch on crookandliars -CBS chief correspondent the beautiful and brilliant Lara Logan take apart ms Ingraham and her position of a few months ago about how the media was only showing the bad news coming out of Iraq.....Laura after a 9 day stay in Iraq was acting like the Bagdad expert of experts accusing the reporters of reporting only from hotels and balconies -Lara lives in Bagdad -and has for most of, if not the entireity of the war.......
ms Ingraham comes off like...well, like a talk show buffoon -Jenny Jones in Bagdad-
Terrific post as usual Lynne -and damned right -artist should be apex in the art world. The mark of a strong human in a state of being- being, that the 'state' is not, fear based, a being who is unafraid, has learned to not give a damn whether or not others 'like' him or, her; an individual amongst the conformists. Its good to see that there have been others before The Sharkpack who have had the courage to speak out -as it is nice to know that the Chicago art world doesn't consist entirely of moral cowards.
"your true friends stab you in the front." -Oliver Cromwell
One of the most disgusting situations I experience -is having people discuss just as vehemently as I might what is wrong with the art world here -in private, but then in public, it a whole other, phoney, fake story. Which, is why you get what we had here last week...its not a failure to communicate -but rather a failure of nerve, a failure in terms of honesty -I suppose all in the service of being liked...
Wesley, you are tougher than me, because not even I can listen to Michael Savage or Dennis Prager. You're right, next to those two Rush does sounds like a lovable little fuzzball. And careful with the Ozark references, lest you forget my empathy with Rush and two other very important Americans, Brad Pitt and Bill Clinton who also hail from these parts, is one acquired by my growing up literally cheek by jowl (yes, we raised pigs) to the haunts which shaped them.
The best thing about Laura Ingraham is her inserting punching noises into the soundbites she plays of various politicos/pundits. I love that punching noise! It's really a good punching noise! Obviously I don't take much of it to heart or brain and as I have stated before, I am as suspicious of Lara Logan (is this Superboy's friend? Oh, that's Lana Lang...) as I am of Laura Ingraham and I don't care how much time either of them spends wherever, because I distrust their senses and the training they received in how to employ those senses, frankly. An issue any Shark should be very interested in!
Well Lynne -no slight intended with 'hillbilly heroin' -simply slang of course for Oxycontin - the drug addict Rush Limbaugh's high of choice-
Lara Logan: actually discusses perception -how things are reported from Iraq, where reporters can and cannot go, how much of the money earmaked for rebuilding infrastructure has actually been spent, how much electricity is available in Bagdad.
The contention at the time -coming out of the Bush camp -and right wing pundits was that it was all about perception, that the networks were all liberals hellbent on undermining the war effort by not reporting how well things were actually going. As Lara pointed out, who said things were going well?......time of course has proven she was spot on as the world watches Bagdad slip into chaos...
Just as I respect you Lynne as a profressional curator -a respect you have earned, there are newpeople I respect as well-like Lara Logan for instance. She is cool, analytical, and smart, she reports from Bagdad, where she resides, time has born out the veracity of her reportage - basically the complete opposite of a female Geraldo imitator/ entertainer like ms Ingraham...
Yes, as all sharks inately get, we survive via our own senses- but, as the far right/neocons adventure turns to misadventure on an unparalled level, and they attempt to diffuse this truth with the notion that no one can really know what is going on, I disagree. I see whats happening as one of the darker chapters in the story of America. This, seems clear to me.
Lynne,
I must read this site more frequently. I really enjoy the erudite essays and observations.
Isn't there an expectation in this town (as far as the gallery world is concerned) that we must be friends and then, well, maybe I'll have a look at your work?
I can say this right now since I've grown tired of kissing gallery ass. I was tired before I even gave it a try I realized. The phoney "getting to know you" period of the artist - curator, artist - gallery OWNER is hard for me to do. Hype and ass kissing allow the dialogue about an artist's work to begin. Shallow.
I am in favor of effort and then merit being the guidelines for who is in pole position. Merit without a celebrity following doesn't take you too far. How about a gallery manager kissing my ass to want to participate in what I have to offer? I'd love to tell them what hypes me up. And yes, a big part of my character avoids confrontation and wants to be liked. I've always been that way. Must've come from the playground.
Very good points, Shark. I guess I have personally experienced enough biased, incorrect "reporting" that I tend to have a sour taste in my mouth about all of 'em (tho' I of course think Laura Ingraham is an entertainer, not a reporter--that's why I like her punching sound bits--so we are basically comparing oranges and apples). So I sometimes forget there are good people out there reporting and analyzing. As regards the Lara Logan, I unfortunately don't watch much TV and don't have cable so local CBS (channel 2) doesn't really come into my home even if I were to watch TV.
And don't mistake it, Shark, they are all dark chapters until they become either glory days or actual dark chapters. You, having recently learned so much about the Pacific theater of WWII, should know that.
Lynne -I watch all my news via the internet as The Shark doesn't do television- crooks and liars has excellent feeds Keith Obermann/ The Fox uuhhm, dare we call it news -60 minutes -frontline and so forth....
As far as the Pacific Theatre went in WW2, even in those dark times, Americans knew that the war they were engaged in had to be fought -very different from this incredible fiasco that is draining the life blood right out of our country today. But even then there were battles like Iwo Jima for instance -that probably should have never been fought -since it strategic value was minimal at best -and really only served as a ditching ground for a small number of B 29 flying fortresses-
The lesson is simple -war is a last resort. I think it's no accident that most of the neo-cons -and war proponents in the Bush administration have never fought in a war. Whether the body count for the iraqi's is 50,000 or 900,00 -with the truth probably lying somewhere in the middle, we should always ask ourselves -what was purchased for such a high cost in human lives.....unfortunately, the answer seems to be -only more chaos and war.
I don't think there is a way to spin what is happening in Iraq -and what is happening here with the things like the suspension of habeas corpus, the demagogery and fear mongering of the far right, the erosion of separation between church and state, the ascendency of fundamentalism/extremism here in America - as anything but the triumph of fear and, ignorance.
For the record -no move The Shark ever makes, not a fick of his tail, is ever fear based......which, is what makes him an apex predator -and explains why he swims around his ocean with a big toothy grin on his face......
I get my news too mostly by internet, but also from about 5 different channels from 4 different countries' TV and radio stations and also a few newspapers --- yes I still like to read newspapers ---- oh noooo.
I know this is way below the level of your discussion, Wesley and Lynne (but I did my political discussin' a short while ago, and I think it's clear where I stand), but I loved the Lanna Lang comment! With all the "haircuts" and propagandists and so on now "doing" news (as opposed to reporting it), I would love to see a "spunky" reporter like Lois Lane or a tough "guy" with a fedora like the 40s movies! Did you know that up until shortly before Reagan-time, reporters were still in the top few of the list of most trusted people in such polls? At that point, and till now, they have been slipping. With the advent of the (right slanted as I see it) current situation, they are now at the bottom of the list every poll, next to lawyers! Strange but true.
Artists, curators, art historians and art critics don't make the list at all! I suppose that is probably correct, and best!